Thursday, April 19, 2007

In Response to the tragedy at Virginia Tech . . .

the President of my oh-so-politically-correct university sent us an email on the 17th about the occurence. The pertinent parts read as follows:

The University of Louisville is stunned and saddened by Monday's events at Virginia Tech University. Our deepest sympathy goes out to the victims, their families and the entire Virginia Tech community.

This incident has led us to review our emergency response and communication procedures. While we do not have any reason to expect a similar occurrence at UofL, we encourage all our students and employees to review our emergency procedures at:

Well, I mosied on over to find out what our emergency procedures are. I found such helpful hints as: "If you hear gunfire, immediately seek refuge in an area that can be locked from the inside. A room without windows would be the best choice. Hide inside that area behind a desk, under a table or in a closet or bathroom. Remain still and quiet." Gee, thanks.

Also helpful were these instructions in case of a bomb threat: "Immediately evacuate the building, using your preplanned evacuation route." Ummm . . .is this my personal preplanned route or an "official" one? If there is an official preplanned route, are we allowed to know about it?

Wouldn't you know it, today we got an email that there was a bomb threat. The helpful advice was to carry on with our business. While I am the eternal optimist and quite willing to assume that the bomb threat was a hoax, I would somehow feel even more optimistic if I knew the ex-army ranger and ex-marine in my classes were packing some heat!

President Ramsey, please consider taking the "no gun" stickers* down.

*Gun Stickers at UofL

Thursday, April 12, 2007


Roma you're a giant.
You ought to take a bath.

Lane thought he smelt you at the ball . . .
But we couldn't do the math.

How could your scent be ling'ring here,
This year, 2007?

When last we saw your face, my dear,
T'was '06, May eleven?

We tried to find a replacement.
She wasn't quite the same.

She did not have the stench of you!
(We don't even know her name!)

But then it struck us both so clear
And we knew the reason why!

"It's 'cause we miss our stinkin' Romes!!!"
And we both sat down to cry.


Sunday, April 1, 2007


It has come to my attention that an unnamed nun's cure of Parkinson's disease has been attributed to the late Pope John Paul II. This of course will seal the deal on his cannonization if it proves trustworthy, but I also had another thought. Has anyone alerted Michael J. Fox of this cure? Perhaps he should try praying to JPII to intercede on his behalf, and give up on the embryonic stem cell hooey he's been pursuing. After all, the score is 1 to 0, with JPII in the lead over embryonic stem cells in the cure for Parkinson's race . . .just a thought.